A Party In The Castle That Never Was
by SoNoAnOu
Summary: Happy AkuRoku Day everyone! It's someone's birthday in the castle... and Saix decides they should all throw a party. Roxas's job is to find a gift... but if he doesn't bring one there could be some serious consequences...


HAPPY AKUROKU DAY EVERYBODY!

*cough* err... I mean... Happy Roxas Axel Friendship day. :D

As I am not a supporter of Yaoi at any time, nor in any way, I hereby rename this holiday! ^-^ ((A poem, haha))

...

Yeah, it'll never catch on. BUT, before I go on and write the next chapter for my big story, The Summer List (*sneaks in an advertisement*), I MUST write a oneshot for the lovely holiday that every kingdom hearts fangirl such as myself cannot help but celebrate. Any AkuRoku that may (or may not) be hinted in this oneshot is merely a joke. Don't get any ideas.

**DISCLAIMER: "**Own this, I do not," said Yoda wisely, staring gloomily out into the distance.

"I don't own it either!" Sono waved. "OMG it's Yoda!"

* * *

.

Saix had been in a bad mood all morning - not to say Nobodies _could_ have moods, of course - so naturally everyone in the castle was avoiding him.

When it was time to assign jobs, however... he couldn't be dodged.

Roxas and Xion poked their heads out from the hallway, staring anxiously into the gray room. "You go first," Xion muttered, watching as the second-in-command paced briskly around the blandly painted floor.

"No, you," Roxas protested.

"He already hates me! You go!"

"NO! I can't afford to die!"

"And _I_ can?"

"Well... no, but..."

"You go, you're stronger than me!"

The pair had been arguing, and hadn't noticed as Axel crept up from behind them. He suddenly pushed them both harshly, making Xion squeak in surprise.

"You BOTH go!" The tall, red haired Nobody suggested with a grin.

"NOO Axel, I can't!" Roxas yelped. "I can't! He's gonna-"

"Can I help you three?"

Oh no. Roxas turned slowly, feeling a shudder run down his spine. "Uhm... yes... Saix. Hello. Good morning." He cringed as Saix's eyebrows knitted. "I was just wondering about the missions for today?"

"You seem like you're in a pretty sour mood," Axel chuckled, patting his superior on the back. "Something up?"

Saix frowned. "Yes, something is wrong." He fidgeted very slightly with one of the wrinkles in his glove. "There will be no jobs assigned for this afternoon due to another matter we have at hand."

"Another matter?" Xion questioned, blinking. Saix glared at her.

"_Yes_, you don't have to _repeat_ everything I _say_."

"What's going on?" Roxas broke in. He didn't want to see Saix insulting Xion very much.

"Well... today... it's... it's..."

"What? What's today?" Axel pestered. He just loved to bother Saix, didn't he?

"It's the Superior's birthday today." Saix looked down, almost seeming to be concentrating. Maybe he didn't want to meet the blank looks of the three members in front of him.

"Wh-whaa?" Xion said, confused.

"His _BIRTHDAY?" _Axel gasped in disbelief.

"Yes," Saix admitted. "The proper celebratory methods must be preformed."

Everyone was still kind of shocked. Did he mean... a Birthday Party? For... Xemnas? Did he even WANT a party?

"What do you mean?" Roxas asked the question everyone was thinking.

"Rather than giving the members missions today..." Saix explained, putting a hand behind his back, "You will be given pieces of the celebration to assemble... and by the time the Superior emerges for his dinner, said celebration will be waiting for him. It is the perfect surprise. He won't expect it."

Axel chuckled. "Yup, a surprise party. Nobody ever thought of _that_ before."

Saix's eye twitched. "I was thinking the plan up all morning. Anyway, I'll need the other members to assemble for their jobs. Get everyone over here as soon as possible."

In Saix language, that meant "Hurry the hell up and get everyone here in less than a minute. No, make that thirty seconds."

By then, Roxas, Xion and Axel were all very aware of how to translate Saix language, and quickly hurried off to the members' rooms to warn them - er, inform them - of what was to come.

It wasn't long before everyone was gathered (not thirty seconds, though, much to Saix's displeasure). The constant mutter of conversation filled the room.

"I need your attention, please," Saix practically whisper-spoke, and everyone shut up immediately. "As you all know, we will be celebrating Number One's birthday tonight. Please get started immediately upon receiving your job... The assignments are as follows." He cleared his throat. "Xigbar, you and Luxord will be in charge of games for the party." Numbers two and ten nodded and left. "Xion, you Marluxia and Larxene may do decorations. Demyx and Lexaeus will work on music..." Everyone heard Demyx squeal and clap before Saix continued on, "Xaldin, Axel and Vexen can cook any food required for the party. Roxas," Saix scowled. "Will be in charge of the gift... or gifts."

"What about me?" Zexion said monotonically, looking up from his book to prove he'd been listening.

"You... can... compose a poem about how wonderful and majestic our leader is," Saix obviously had forgotten about Zexion and made something up on the spot.

"No thanks."

"But it is my order."

"Fine then," Zexion looked back down at his book and began muttering poetic verses to himself.

"Disperse!" Saix barked.

Roxas turned to Axel immediately. "DUDE! I don't know what to get Xemnas! He my boss, not my friend!"

"You'll figure something out," Axel said dismissively. "I have to cook a cake. See you in an hour!"

Roxas frowned deeply as he watched his friend walk away. What was he supposed to get his leader? A coffee mug?

No... last he checked, coffee was Saix's thing. What about a t-shirt?

...Since when did any of them wear anything but a black cloak?

A book?

...Where would he get a book..?

AUUGH there were no options! What would he want?

Roxas, obviously even more worried than before, ran down the hallway into his room to think. He only had an hour before it was time for the party... and presents were one of the most important parts - if not _the_ most important part! If he didn't have anything... Saix would have his head for sure!

Roxas started digging through his closet. Coathanger... no...

Sock... no.

Sock puppet? No...

Button collection.. no...

dust bunny... no...

Broom? NO!

"I'm gonna get turned into a dusk," Roxas whined, falling back into a laying position on his uncomfortable floor.

Someone suddenly knocked on the door.

"Dead man's room," Roxas replied, "Come on in."

It was Axel, wiping his hands off on a frilly pink apron. ...But even that sight wasn't enough to make Roxas laugh just then.

"Still got nothing?" Axel said, sitting next to him.

"Yup."

"Well it's only been a few minutes. You'll think of something."

"But what? All I have is the stuff in the castle."

"Well, you'd better get something within the next 45 minutes. Or it's..." Axel made a gagging noise, sliding his forefinger across Roxas's neck. ((A/N he he that tickles.))

Just then, Larxene was walking by with an armload of streamers and tissue paper.

"Um... what are you guys doing?" She snickered. Seeing Roxas on the floor and Axel leaning over him was a pretty hard-to-explain sight.

Roxas sat up too quickly, making him and his friend conk heads pretty badly.

"OW! Hey, watch it!" Axel snapped.

"N-NOTHING!" Roxas replied to Larxene, eyes wide. He paused to rub his forehead. Might need some ice for that later.

"Hehehehehe suuuure..." She rolled her eyes, walking away. "Don't worry you guys, I get it. I'll keep your secret."

"AXEL!" Xaldin's voice was heard from down the other way. "YOUR ASSISTANCE IS REQUIRED!"

"Oh, that's my cue," Axel said, standing up. "Hope you come through, buddy."

Roxas was left sitting on the floor with an aching head.

x

(._.)

x

The party rolled around, and Roxas had nothing. A sinking feeling had since formed in the pit of his stomach as he wondered what fate Saix would condemn him to.

The second-in-command arrived at that moment, leading Xemnas into the room. "Happy Birthday, superior." He said, gesturing to the room.

"SURPRISE!" Everyone called. Zexion didn't say anything, actually, but Demyx's yell was loud enough to substitute for everyone.

Larxene, Xion and Marluxia had hung black and gray streamers from about every square inch of the ceiling, adding balloons every few feet for effect. A boom box was in the corner next to a giant covered-up piece of paper that was mounted on the wall - and Demyx excitedly walked over and pushed the play button on the CD player.

Music from the Jonas Brothers wafted around the space.

"Jonas Brothers?" Xigbar said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I tried to get them live but they couldn't come on such short notice and I didn't know the address of the castle..." Demyx replied.

Pretty much everyone in the room felt like hiding their face in their hands.

Roxas looked around then. And Axel was nowhere to be found.

Where was he?

Xemnas was staring at everyone with a completely neutral expression on his face, that seemed maybe even a little disgusted. The whole effort was pretty pathetic after all.

Luxord stepped up. "It's time to play..." A grin crossed his face as he unveiled the poster on the wall. "PIN THE HEART ON THE NOBODY!"

"You guys know the rules," Xigbar explained. "Put on the blindfold, we spin you around, toss you through a few time and space portals to disorient you, then you pin the heart right on the Nobody! Got it?"

Since when was the time portal thing even part of the traditional game?

Roxas looked around again. Still no Axel.

In fact, just as the game was completed and Zexion was standing up to recite his poem, Roxas's friend was _still_ absent from the party.

"Oh, how majestic you are," Zexion said. He sighed between almost every line. "In such majesty, how can anyone even resist to burst into tears of humbled joy..." Insert sigh here. "Xemnas, the majestic. Xemnas the amazing. Xemnas the amazing and majestic. The end."

The claps that resounded through the room were very half-hearted. ((A/N BAH DUM BUM. Nobody pun!))

"That was terrible," Demyx whispered to the person nearest to him, which happened to be Vexen.

"It's time for presents now, right before we unveil the wonderful cake baked by Xaldin, Vexen, and Axel," Saix explained to Xemnas, who hadn't said a word other than NO in response to being asked to pin the heart on the Nobody.

All eyes turned to Roxas, and he felt very small. "Um... well, about the present..."

"Sorry!" Axel called, suddenly bursting into the room. "The present has just arrived!"

Every gaze was torn from Roxas and put onto Axel. "Oh?" Saix said.

"Yeah," Axel was toting a small box wrapped in gray tissue paper that looked as if it had been pulled from the garbage. He handed it to the Superior with a flourish. "My liege," He said with underlying tones of sarcasm. When he saw Roxas staring at him, he winked.

Xemnas opened the box.

Inside sat a stuffed heart, with the phrase, "LIKE A BOSS." scribbled on the front on permanent marker.

"Hey..." Demyx muttered hesitantly. "That's... that stuffed thing is MINE-" Axel covered his mouth to shut him up as Xemnas looked the gift over.

Everyone held their breath.

...Xemnas walked over to the trash can and threw it away immediately.

When he walked back, he just glared at the group.

"Well, it's time for cake!" Xigbar broke the painfully awkward silence, signaling for Xaldin to unveil the cake.

It was white, with blue and pink frosting that seemed to clash with the color scheme everyone was subconsciously using. "Hope you enjoy it," Vexen nodded.

As the cake was being cut, Roxas turned to Axel.

"I can't believe you saved me like that," he said, speechless.

"Hey, what are friends for?"

A grin broke out across Roxas's face as he nudged his buddy playfully. "That, I guess. And you're the best friend anyone could ask for."

Axel messed up Roxas's hair - he was much taller than him, after all - and smiled right back. "Hey, I wouldn't have let you turn into a Dusk. And what did I sacrifice? Demyx's stuffed teddy? Not a big deal."

The two companions looked up to see Larxene looking at them, giving them a thumbs up while muffling laughter.

* * *

THE END!

Hope you enjoyed it! ^-^

I need to go and write chapter six to my story now, and it's much later than it was when I started this. Jeez, this took a lot longer than I thought it would. I hope The Summer List goes more smoothly. D:

Anyways, read and review!

Reviews really do mean a lot to me!

And... HAPPY AKURO-

Erm... I mean... HAPPY ROXAS AXEL FRIENDSHIP DAYY!

...

Dang, even I can't get the hang of saying that mouthful.

See you later!


End file.
